


Conquering Fears

by Settiai



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Fear, Gen, Ocean, One Shot, Water
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-14
Updated: 2018-11-14
Packaged: 2019-08-23 11:28:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16618100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Settiai/pseuds/Settiai
Summary: Caduceus was going to get used to the water, whether he liked it or not.





	Conquering Fears

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a comment that Taliesin made on tonight's _Talks Machina_ :
>
>> I imagine that he's been taking some time on the ship and, like, actually jumping into the ocean going, "no, I'm getting used to this."

"You're crazy," Nott said flatly.

Caduceus shot her a bemused look. "Possibly," he agreed. "If so, I'm in good company."

She opened her mouth as if to disagree. Then she closed it with a sigh, clearly unable to think of a reasonable comeback for that argument. "If you don't come back up, I'm yelling for Jester."

Nott sounded resigned. Caduceus was fairly certain she'd do what he had asked and only let the others know what he was doing if things went badly.

He gave her a nod. Then, with a quick pull on the rope tied around his waist to make certain it was secure, he lowered himself down towards the water.

Caduceus could feel his heart start to race before he was low enough to even feel the spray of the water. He forced himself to breathe as slowly as possible, clearing his mind as best he could. That was exactly why he needed to do this. He needed to control how he would react if they ended up fighting in or near the water again, and if he was going to do that then he needed to get back into the water.

Even if that was the last thing he wanted just then.

"Are you getting in or not?" Nott called down from above. She was trying to be nonchalant, but Caduceus could hear the hint of concern in her voice. Like she didn't understand why he was doing what he was doing, and it was worrying her.

That was fair. He wasn't entirely certain why he was doing this, and he was the one doing it in the first place.

Caduceus looked up at her and nodded. "Yes, I am."

Then, before he could change his mind, Caduceus dropped into the water and let his head sink under the waves.

As soon as the water went over his head, his first instinct was to panic. Caduceus forced himself to push that emotion down. He was fine. He was safe. There was a rope tied around him, keeping him attached to the ship, and if anything did go wrong Nott would get help. The odds of him drowning were almost nonexistent.

Almost.

As that thought crossed his mind, Caduceus swam upward. He couldn't quite stop the feeling of relief that rushed through him as his head popped out of the water and he took a few deep gulps of air. Then he frowned, a bit irritated at himself for letting his concerns get the better of him. He had quite a ways to go, it seemed.

Still, it was a start. He'd managed to stay underwater for at least a few seconds before he'd panicked.

"Are you done yet?"

Caduceus glanced upwards. Nott was leaning through a gap in the railing, watching him warily. She raised her eyebrows when she noticed him looking at her.

"No," he called up to her. "I'm not." Then he ducked back under the water.

He managed to stay under a bit longer this time, but he could still feel the panic bubbling under the surface. It was easier to control than it had been before but not by much.

Caduceus surfaced, took a few breaths, and then dove back down.

It was getting easier each time, but he wasn't where he needed to be yet. The fear and panic were still there, even if they weren't as strong. He needed more practice. Tomorrow, perhaps. He was fairly certain he had gotten as far as he could for that day.

He needed to get to the point where he didn't need the rope. He very much wasn't there yet, but that's where he needed to be. When he could dive over the railing and swim in the ocean, without any qualm, then he'd be ready. Until then, he needed to practice.

Small steps. That's what he needed to take. He had time. It was important, but it wasn't urgent. Not yet.

His lungs were starting to burn, not the sharp pain of drowning that Caduceus was all too familiar with now but something duller. Less dangerous, at least for the time being.

Caduceus swum back up to the surface. He took several deep breaths before glancing up.

Nott was still peering through the railing, staring down at him. "Are you done yet?" she asked, a hint of a whine in her voice. The concern from earlier was gone, replaced with something more akin to boredom. She had apparently decided that he wasn't going to get himself killed under her watch.

"I think so," Caduceus agreed.

There was no mistaking the relieved expression that appeared on Nott's face for anything but what it was. "Finally!"

Smiling a bit despite himself, Caduceus took ahold of the rope tied around him and started climbing. He'd carefully knotted it the night before, giving himself large handholds. He knew his strengths and weaknesses, and the odds of him being able to climb back up without assistance was slim. Preparation was the key.

It took some effort, but he was able to get back up onto the deck without too much trouble. He stood there, dripping water onto the wood under his feet, while Nott stared at him.

A few of the other crew members eyed him curiously as they went about their jobs on the ship, but none of them said anything. He suspected it was because he wasn't the oddest thing that they had seen the last few days. Actually, he was almost certain that was the reason. It had been a very weird few days.

"You're definitely crazy," Nott finally announced firmly, shaking her head as she took a swig from her flask. Then, without another word, she headed towards the other end of the ship.

Caduceus didn't argue. She had a point, after all. He had agreed to join their group without question, a bunch of strangers who had shown up at this door. And, more importantly, he had stayed with them despite everything that had happened the last few months. That didn't necessarily point towards sanity.

Still. There were worse things to be.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me over on Tumblr. (http://settiai.tumblr.com/)


End file.
